Kindergarten!

Riley started school on September 1.

The very first day, I had him line up with the other kids without me. I have two younger children, and with Riley when you give him the independence he will take off and run with it. Within a few seconds he had turned around and started talking with another child in line behind him.

By the fourth day of school, he was dropping his backpack off on his line, going to play, and coming in with the bell independently. We are about 6 weeks in and though I still stay to make sure he's okay, he does fine with it. We had a few mornings where he was upset by another child (a neighbor girl who pushes his buttons) but other than that it's been seamless. This morning he said "When the bell rings, I will say goodbye, and you will go home." So I did. :)

He is doing remarkably well with the new environment. The noises, the kids, everything. I don't think his adjustment has been any different than the average kindergartener. In fact I think in some ways he's doing better. (I'm far more nervous about our typical four year old going next year!) He loves school and is doing fine with the mainstream classroom. He talks about the kids and his day.

Speech services have started. I don't know much about what she's doing so far with him. I know he likes going. I have seen his social speech change so rapidly lately, just from being around other kids. Just simple things like using people's names when he's talking to them "Do you like that, Mom?" and asking for things politely "Can I have some water?" It has been very cool. He's been picking up on a lot of five year old language, which is the most fun for me to hear.

Socially he's doing okay. We had a playdate a few weeks ago with a child he played soccer with. I've been trying to set up other playdates and have found it difficult. I guess part of me wants so badly for him to make friends. I have to remember that even though it doesn't come naturally to him, he still will. There is a little girl who just loves him at school. She hugs him everytime she sees him in the morning. Riley talks about her and that he likes those hugs.

The grant we received for respite is gone, so we are not having our sitter come anymore. Obviously the money was for Riley so it was starting to wind down anyway with him being in school all day. It is bittersweet to realize that she started with us when Riley was 2 1/2, before diagnosis, and his brother was just 8 months old. They are now 6 and 4, and have an almost two year old brother. She's been with us through all of it!

Also winding down is the money we had for free therapy hours at our old provider's clinic. I believe we have enough for three more Saturdays. It's really just fun for Riley at this point. It's hard to believe that's all over. He's just going to school. Which is strange, because I didn't expect our lives to look like this at this point. We had committed ourselves to three years of intensive therapy. We had no idea he'd get less than a year. There's a part of it that feels very good, very typical. We are not a typical family by any means, but we have more and more moments of typical.

One such moment was the night before school started, we all had dinner at Red Robin. They have gluten free options now, and we gave it a go. It was such fun taking our kids out to dinner for the first time. Although Riley wasn't over the moon, his four year old brother was. And it was pretty cool.

But as I said, we are not typical. Lest I forget it.

I have had a hard time figuring out my own place in the parenting world. I decided before school started that I was going to take a "don't tell them unless asked" approach to the autism subject with other parents at Riley's school. Really just other people in general. There is a family in particular that I have spent a lot of time talking with that have slowly figured out Riley has some special needs, but still does not know he has autism. This in contrast to people we've known via the neighborhood for a while, that already knew and treat us somewhat differently because of it. When a playdate got cancelled with the family that doesn't know recently paranoia set in. Did they know? Who told them? What had they heard? It just screwed with my emotions so much.

My middle son also started 4K this year, and I basically had to spill my guts to his teacher to get her to understand what our family, and Jack, have been through. After that conversation, I felt so much better. I honestly don't know how to handle a typical child sometimes, and because I have an older son people think I know the ropes. I don't. Help me.

~

Money has been a very bad subject. We are hurting. We spent much of our tax return on therapy for Riley over the summer and we have no savings.

We did the cerebral folate autoantibody testing, and Riley tested low positive for the blocking antibodies. I believe we sent the testing in July, and we still haven't seen our DAN! Dr for the prescription for Leucovorin. We cannot afford the visit, we cannot afford the medication. I am thinking about just sticking it on a credit card.. screw it, right? But at the same time, I just can't do it. There is something telling me to wait, and I'm not sure what. Riley is doing so well right now, but he is still very behind with social language. I do want to help him. But I also have to think about the rest of the family, and our ability to keep our home and our health.

I recently found out I need to be gluten free for life, which hasn't been hard at all so far. But the odds of our grocery bill going down just totally tanked. It is what it is.


One of the best things that's been happening lately is that I've been seeing my kids interact so much. Even our youngest, Oliver, who turns two next month, has been joining in. I can see the potential for such beautiful things as they get older.