Riley has had two MB12 shots so far. Sunday night he was already in bed when I remembered he needed to have one. He does fine- no tears, not even so much as a wince. I explain to him what is going to happen and it works. For now.
There is a change in him I cannot explain, almost like it's on a deeper level. I have felt his awareness increase. Just a few weeks ago he started regularly calling me 'mama' (though I can't remember when exactly...) and at the FunZone play thingy a few weeks ago, he looked around when he couldn't find me. When he did, he said "There's mama."
This morning, I went to a counseling session (for myself) and the kids went to the Respite Center. For the first time, Riley was uneasy. He said "Want go home." and then "No mama go." Two phrases he's never said before. I looked at the caregivers employed there, like I wanted them to share in this monumental moment. They of course didn't think it was so monumental.
It wasn't until Jack was born that I felt "different" with Riley. Not that I didn't love him, or wasn't bonded with him. Just something "different." After the diagnosis, it seemed more clear to me what that difference was. What's been so rewarding lately is seeing him need and want me, in a way that isn't like it was when he was a helpless baby.
It's like he's seeing me all of a sudden, as a person. As his mama.
Is this because of the diet, the MB12, or just being three? I don't know.
On the day after the second shot (Monday) Riley had the strangest poop ever. Yellow, mushy. A lot of it. I actually called our DAN! Dr to talk with him about it. It was so out of the ordinary. Since starting GFCF Riley went from constipated to regular, but this was very different. The Dr gave me some positive feedback, he was glad to hear about the poop change. Also, we've seen the same non-stop stimming as we did when we started GFCF. Dr Van Dyke seemed to think these were good signs. If we were seeing no changes, that's when we'd be thinking it wasn't working. Seeing some kind of change is always good.
Today Jenny McCarthy's new book came out, and I picked it up. I hadn't yet read her other book-- mostly because I feel that I'm living that at the moment. I don't want to read it in a book. Her new book, though, I'm about 20 pages into already. She writes in a way that'
s easy to read, which is good when you have small kiddos and not much time or brain power. :) In it though, she talks about moms having guilt, and I could so relate to that. She also talks about FEELING sooner meaning HEALING sooner. Yes, that resonates with me. I have never pushed these feelings down, I've allowed myself to feel and move through. I guess I just needed confirmation that it's the right thing. Of course my therapist says this too, but it's nice to read in the book of another mom who's been there.I'm grateful to Jenny McCarthy, and I'm not ashamed to admit that. It was she that led us down this path! After the definite diagnosis in July, I got a ton of books from the library, but none of them really spoke to me. I started looking at videos on YouTube and came across the video of Jenny on Oprah. I had watched that episode when it aired, unaware my child had autism. I remembered it. I watched it. So began the journey. I look forward to her appearance this Wednesday on Oprah again... as a mom of a child with autism.
Ah, yes. A good old fashioned ramble from me.
No comments:
Post a Comment